im still in a bit of a funk. its been about 2 months since i began this healing process through therapy. and ive experienced a lot of changes within since then. its been great. really, it has.
but i forgot to take my time with it. i keep rushing into action with these new perspectives and epiphanies. but im feeling the consequences of being impatient now. im feeling the deep sadness ive been suppressing for years. im not crying curled up in my bed everyday, but i find the smallest things trigger a sobfest.
and im feeling hypersensitive to everything people say and do around me. its not a nice space to exist in but i know it, too, shall pass. and that its all a part of my healing and loving myself again.
its just not nice.
im also trying to speak to myself in a positive way. ive only noticed it lately. i really talk negatively about me over the silliest things. i call myself names id never allow somebody else to call me. its as though i bully myself.
so i was given homework to do. i have a daily mood log to fill out whenever i experience a situation that i react negatively to. its meant to help me curb my negative thinking towards myself and others. Jo gave me some checklists to follow and to help me figure out where ive gone wrong and the questions i need to ask myself to figure out the truth and emotion behind the negativity and if its valid or just a bunch of hooey.
we also went through a checklist of cognitive disorders. i checked 8 out of 10 that i experience, not necessarily consistently but that ive found myself doing.
let’s see how you do. theres no shame here. i think naming our problems is the best way to overcome them. if you dont know where you’ve gone wrong how can you begin to fix it? also, please remember, im not a licensed therapist, im just sharing my own journey. if you want help with anything, seek the appropriate help. talk to your doctor :)
CHECKLIST OF COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS
- All-or-nothing thinking: You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
- Overgeneralization: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
- Mental filter: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the
drop of ink that discolors the entire beaker of water.
- Disqualifying the positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason or other. You maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
- Jumping to conclusions: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.
Mind reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you and don’t bother to check it out.
The Fortune Teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly and feel convinced that your prediction is an already- established fact.
- Magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else’s achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow’s imperfections). This is also called the “binocular trick.”
- Emotional reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”
- Should statements: You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. “Musts” and “oughts” are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
- Labeling and mislabeling: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.” When someone else’s behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him, “He’s a damn louse.” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
- Personalization: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event for which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible.
From: Burns, David D., MD. 1989. The Feeling Good Handbook. New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc.
~the hook ooooxxoxooxo