the grudge

im a grudge holder.

to the extreme.

ive held onto a grudge since elementary school. she was one of the numerous ‘Ali’s i grew up with. so many Alisons they insisted on all being called Ali and then the initial of the surname. no joke. and this one was Ali G. again, no joke.

she was to haunt me forever..who knew it would be in the form of a comedic jewish boy from england.

anyway, she was evil. maybe she still is. ive heard she designs her own shoes and is a marketing director. good for her….under my muttered grumbles.
she probably doesnt spent a second thinking about me or what she did to me back then but i, honestly, think about her once every 6 months or so. and i still feel anger. deep childish anger, towards her.

she was the first. and i would like there to be a last. but how do you stop holding grudges? i dont live my life in anger but, when pushed, i can go to a bad place with it. a bad place for me, no one else. im the only one who suffers from it. thankfully, im a non violent person.

i can hold a grudge for the smallest offence. like an email not returned. a birthday, forgotten. silly, unimportant things in the grand scheme of life.

why? im unsure. its something that i need to fix. its an awful feeling, holding a grudge.

and now i keep thinking about the movie. ive never seen it. it scares me a little. im a suck when it comes to shitty scary movies. im so jumpy.

weird.

grudges, i will conquer you!!

Love yourself.

the hook xxxx

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