i’m sinking my battleship

we all have our battles in life.

for instance, my best friend. she suffers from depression and anxiety-its a lot more complicated than just that but that isn’t required for this little exercise. she has only begun to get a grip on it and put into practice the skills she’s learned from multiple doctors during the past ten years. its beautiful to see the transition she’s making back into who she truly is under all of that disease-yes mental health is a disease.

we’ve been friends for half of our lives. and this has been a part of our friendship since the beginning. its been a struggle for both of us and its taken me most of this time to actually understand what she’s been fighting and that she can’t just think her way clear of it.
then it dawned on me one day. my battle is my weight, which is a symptom of something else..working on it :)
it helped me understand her much better. and it helped her to realize she is not alone. we all struggle with something in our lives. and we all feel alone in it.

i know im not the first one to think this. but it was a first for me. and it really helped.

im struggling a lot these days with exercise. ive tackled my food issues head on and am eating really well. my problem has never been bad food ive just been eating too much good food. i hate junk food except for the odd bag of crisps. and by odd i mean maybe once every two months. i just love a good crunch!

i love food. i love cooking and baking and eating. my cousin is the same way but she’s less than half of me and that’s after having three kids! the difference being, she walks an hour a day and is never sitting down.

what stops me from just getting out and walking?

i make excuses all the time. like it’s around school time and there’s too many people about. or ill do it after breakfast, after lunch, before i make dinner, after dinner, before bed..oh its too dark out.
it just takes the first time to prove how easy it is. what am i scared of? am i scared of being healthy again? scared of living a healthy life?
it sounds ridiculous, believe me i know. ive gone over it in my head a hundred thousand times. still, im sat here thinking.
im meant to visit a friend today and im already thinking about an excuse not to. instead of having breakfast jumping in the shower and just going.

pathetic, really. but then i shouldnt be so hard on myself..that’s what my therapist says.

that’s the real question. why am i so hard on myself.

Love yourself.

the hook xxoo

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